Force of feeling

I cannot be black and white... I cannot be the perfect temperance of highlights and shadows that I admire in a worthy photograph. I cannot be still... It is not a lack of peace, but rather a constant change of temperature. There is hot, there is cold, but like color there are also a myriad of degrees in between. There is searing, there is frigid, and sometimes I like to be both simultaneously. Who is to tell me I can't? I dare you. I dare you to try to fix me. I want to be comfortably warm while my fingers and toes are numb. I want to be the most confident shade of GRAY. I want you to wonder how you will make me feel. I want to wonder it too... Don't buy me flowers and expect me to smile. I may cry... I may cry because they are too perfectly beautiful... I may be angry because you KNEW I would want them. Don't try to make sense of me. I am quite determined that it is not possible. Let me make my own shades from black and white, from hot and cold... One word should never be enough to describe someone.