identity

Finding yourself when marriage redefines you

Another blogger asked a question about what to do in her current marital situation. She is being verbally abused, treated unfairly, and feels as though her husband purposely sets out to cause her sadness.

Do we give so much of ourselves to support the "we" that we lose sight of who the "me" is entirely? Can we change so much to fit our idea of what marriage is supposed to be that we compromise our happiness? This was my response to her.

My answer would be to remember who you were before marriage. How much have you changed? What courage and bravery have you given up? What did you lose or let him gain that allows him to have the upper hand? Marriage is a partnership, a bettering of our life. Otherwise, what is the point?
Truth is, I DO understand this feeling. But honestly, looking back I realized that you determine how people will treat you.
It will not be an easy fight, but a fight it will be if you are wanting to stay in this marriage.
As deeply as we are tied to our spouses, it is nearly impossible to not let their actions or words affect us. But remember that before marriage YOU were responsible for your own happiness, and you still are!! Do not give him the control to manipulate your emotions. Sometimes loving is the hardest thing in the world to do, because when someone knows us so well, it is easy for them to hit us where it hurts.
But hang in until you are sure what you want to do.
It started out as a lifelong commitment for both of you. So perhaps that would lead to the idea that one person cannot be blamed for its failure. Dig up your past, remember the things you loved about yourself...your passions, your hobbies, your humor. Chances are, those things are what your husband fell in love with too! So while he is definitely in the wrong for treating the person he shares his life with worse than he would treat a stranger, make sure you have the courage to stand up for your own happiness. I wish you the best.

Most times it is the whirling thoughts in my head that inspire me to sit down and tap the keys... but on other occasions, as it should of course be, my myriad of interests inspire words in and of themselves.

This is a poignant look into many levels and layers of my family. So much can be gleaned from this one photograph. It shows sadness, separation, bonds of a grandmother and grandson, resentment, pride in where we came from, indepences, facades, loss, moving toward the light, and the irrepressable optimism of the very young...

lost with you

Since I saw you on that day,
On the saddest day,
I have felt a fierce protectiveness
For when a heart was too big for a body,
It left us, and left us lost.
When strength turned into a thin whisper,
And a vibrance to a mist...
When life showed once again, its fickle and cruel side.
And then it was over, and they cried, and I cried.

I still hurt for them,
And want to put them somewhere safe,
That would gaurd them from what lies ahead,
Too many huricanes have blown through their house,
And I don't believe it can weather another, or even a heavy rain.
So I tried to tell you that I loved you, as a lost child...
And that I saw beyond the strong facade,
So when I fight for you, it is for this.

I have driven myself to many insanities,
For either I care too much, or care not at all...
I have piled on the anguish and regret,
And filled my heart with doubt and shadows,
I have given myself no rest, though repentant and changed.
But for you, for all of you, I would stand up and be better,
And I tried, but you couldn't see it... or didn't want to.
It only reminded you that I was there, and had cried with you.

Take this burden off of me!
Have I not bled my veins dry for a second of your happiness?
Have I not cried away the joy from my body?
Yet you mock my love, my sadness for you.
Instead of accepting my protection, you exploited it.
If you saw into my heart you would know that I only longed to give you shelter,
That I carried around this weight for you,
That I never forgot, that though angry now, I am still sad for you...
Yet you have made a fool of me.

So that you will hear me...

So that you will hear me,
Sometimes my words morph into shapes you can recognize.
They were once trapped in my dark room, seeped into the walls...
They knew my sadness, truly, knew it more than you.



I watch my words from far away,
And they look more like your words than mine.
I believe you are to blame...
Because you fill everything, everything.



Now you are there occupying my spaces.
So my words flee from my dark haven...
And surface in ways you can see them
But no longer can I feel them.



Now I want you to hear them,
I want them to tell you what I long for you to hear.
And you have made them lighter...
Out of the quiet cavern of my thoughts, my words are now yours too.

So that you will hear me...

So that you will hear me
sometimes my words grow into shapes you will recognize
and I watch from a long way back...
and they look more like your words, than mine.

Before you, they were kept in my dark room,
and they crawled in and out of my head,
and up and down the walls...
they knew my sadness, truly.

Now you.
This is all because you fill everything.
And now they are pushed out of my lair...
And surface in ways you can see them too.

Now I want them to say to you, what I want to say.
I want you to hear them as I hear them.
Your love makes them lighter...
and I weave them into an endless chain that we will share.

Hope

I know this sign is meant to say OPEN but when I saw it, I wanted to read it as HOPE... It didn't enter my mind until later that I had chosen to read it as Hope. Funny how a thought can enter your heart, if only briefly, and give you the courage to continue, and to know that your thoughts are not all dreariness and shadow...

Trees

I believe an image can be as powerful as a speech or a sonnet...